Kiss Off
by CaraMiaMilo
Summary: His self-control weakened by tequila, Jess gets angry at Rory when she returns from Washington. Very angsty! R/J Chapter 4 NEW
1. Kiss Off

Kiss Off  
PG-13 (language)  
Set: A few weeks into the fall semester  
Thanks to the Violent Femmes for the epigraph and the title.  
  
  
Kiss Off  
I need someone, a person to talk to   
Someone who'd care to love   
Could it be you   
Could it be you   
Situation gets rough   
Then I start to panic   
It's not enough   
It's just a habit   
Hey kid you're sick   
Darling this is it   
You can all just kiss off into the air   
Behind my back I can see them stare   
They'll hurt me bad but I won't mind   
They'll hurt me bad they do it all the time   
Yeah yeah, they do it all the time   
I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record   
Oh yeah well don't get so distressed   
Did I happen to mention that I'm impressed   
I take one one one 'cause you left me   
And two two two for my family   
And 3 3 3 for my heartache   
And 4 4 4 for my headaches   
And 5 5 5 for my lonely   
And 6 6 6 for my sorrow   
And 7 7 7 for no tomorrow   
And 8 8 8 I forget what 8 was for   
And 9 9 9 for a lost god   
And 10 10 10 for everything everything everything everything   
  
  
  
  
Jess sat cross-legged on the bridge, hunched over and staring into the hypnotic smolder of   
his cigarette. He'd quit for a while, but Shane didn't care if he smoked, and he could deal   
with Luke's complaining. The nicotine made it easier to deal with what had happened   
between him and Rory.   
  
Rory. He hardened his heart against the emotions that threatened whenever he thought about   
her. He took a hard drag on the cigarette, remembering. She'd kissed him, then run off   
to Washington without saying anything, and now she was back. Apparently she still didn't think   
that there was anything to talk about with him; she'd barely said more than 5 words to him in   
the diner today. And they were very innocuous words.   
  
He inhaled again. 'Friendship,' he thought bitterly. 'What a waste of time. Shane   
gives me everything I really need.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out the   
bottle of tequila that Shane had left in his bedroom the day before. It was more than half empty,   
but enough. "Including keeping me supplied with the instruments of my vices," he muttered aloud.   
  
"I thought you quit," said a voice from behind him.   
  
Jess finished the cigarette and stood, flicking the butt into the lake. "Didn't see the point   
in it."  
  
"Your health?" Rory chastised him.   
  
Jess snorted. "Something else'll kill me first." He held up the tequila. " 'Exterminate all   
rational thought—That is the conclusion I have come to'," he quoted. Rory looked a little   
shocked. She was staring at the liquor, so he unscrewed the lid from the bottle and drank   
from it. "Did you have a nice time in Washington?"   
  
Rory winced, surprised at the faux sweetness in his voice. "Sure." She took a step closer to him.   
"How was your summer?"  
  
"Wonderful." The sarcasm was laced with anger. He took another swig of the tequila. "I   
got laid a lot. Made even Stars Hollow reasonably bearable."   
  
Rory flinched at the graphic image of him in bed with another girl. She couldn't   
believe how harsh he was being with her. "You chose to come back..."  
  
Jess gave another bitter laugh. "Yeah, well, people make stupid mistakes when they think   
they have a good reason." He turned the bottle up to his lips again.  
  
Rory looked worried. "Jess, you're going to get drunk..."   
  
"Oh really?" He'd never been this defensive toward her. "Thank you for the biology   
lesson, Miss Gilmore. Tequila does indeed make human beings drunk. Damn, that private   
school is doing a good job with you."   
  
He watched her reel from his sarcasm and downed another shot of the liquor, steeling   
himself against the guilt for hurting her. "Yes, Rory, I'm going to get drunk. So maybe   
you shouldn't be talking to me. And I'll be hungover in the morning too, so maybe you   
shouldn't talk to me then either." The guilt rose anyway and he drank again.  
  
"Is that really what you want?" she asked meekly. She barely managed to keep her voice   
from breaking.   
  
"What I want?" Jess almost exploded. He knew he was drinking too fast, but he wanted the sharp   
bite of the liquor to distract him from the way she made him feel. He tilted the bottle again.   
"When has what I wanted ever mattered to you? When have you ever thought about me?" Talking to   
her hurt, and he raised the bottle to his lips yet again, willing the fire to burn away the   
loneliness and sorrow. "There were three weeks between the time you kissed me and the day you   
left for Washington." He took a slightly wobbly step toward her. "You ignored me the whole time.   
I understood that you regretted kissing me and wanted me to go away. So why the hell are you   
talking to me now?"  
  
"Because I…" she started.  
  
"It's a rhetorical question, Rory." He stared at the bottle, trying to gauge how much he'd   
drank. He couldn't remember how full it had been before. "I don't really want an answer.   
My imagination is reliably less painful than the truth."   
  
"I'm sorry I hurt you." Rory's voice was soft and wounded and Jess drank again to   
squelch his remorse.   
  
"Yeah, well, me too, Rory. I thought you'd be the last person to do it." The tequila had   
loosened his inhibitions and he drank again, spilling the liquor down his chin and wiping   
his mouth with his sleeve. "But that's just my own stupidity, huh? He flung the words at   
her, trying to hurt her back. "I should have known you wouldn't be any better than the   
rest of the assholes in this town. I was an idiot for coming back to you."   
  
Rory looked like he had hit her. "Jess, that's not fair." He could hear from her voice that   
she was crying, but his emotions were dulled by the tequila and he only felt angry.   
  
"Fair?" His voice was dark and slurred as he walked toward her. "You wanna know   
what's not fair, Rory?" He slugged the last of the liquor from the bottle and hurled it   
against a tree, shattering the glass and causing Rory to cringe. "What's not fair is that no   
matter what I do, no matter how much I drink, no matter how many times I fuck Shane,   
you're still there." She turned her head against the smell of the tequila as he   
grabbed her arms and pulled her toward him. He moved his face close to hers so his voice was a   
harsh whisper in her ear. "Every night in my dreams, wrapping your arms around me and pressing   
your lips against me, tender and sweet and everything I ever wanted in the world. That's what's   
not fair, Rory. Even though you made it plain you don't want me, I still can't get what it felt   
like to kiss you out of my head." He roughly pushed her away from him, stumbling slightly and   
turning away from her. "Go away, Rory. Just get the hell away from me." Rory turned, covering   
her mouth with her hands to damp down the sobs that were rising in her throat, and ran   
toward home. 


	2. Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye

Kiss Off   
Chapter 2 Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye  
  
Thanks again to Gordon Gano and the Femmes for the epigraph and chapter title.  
  
(P.S.--shameless promotion: everyone go out and buy the Femmes first album! It's excellent! ;)  
  
  
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Please Do Not Go  
  
Tell you, mon, I'm stuck on this lovely girl  
'Course to me, she mean all de world  
But then she like another guy  
I fall down dead, she never see the tears I cry  
  
[chorus]  
Said please please please do not go  
Please please please do not go  
Please please please do not go  
  
How long can the days go on  
[oh whoa whoa]  
When my love is so strong  
[oh whoa whoa]  
And I know I cannot tell a lie  
Oh whoa whoa  
I wanna see him go bye  
[goodbye]  
Bye  
[goodbye]  
Bye bye bye bye bye bye!!  
  
Now I wonder, I wonder what she would say  
If I told her, if I told her that I felt this way  
Y'know it might make her turn, make her turn, make her turn either way  
So all I can do is patiently pray, pray  
A'pray pray pray  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Rory ran away from the bridge. Her eyes were swollen with tears, and she could barely see where she was going. As she turned the corner onto her street, she collided squarely with a broad and rather masculine chest.   
  
"Rory!" Dean wrapped his arms around her and bent down. "What's wrong?"   
  
Rory just sobbed into her hands, rocking back and forth.   
  
"Rory, tell me what's wrong. Please?" Dean watched helplessly as Rory sank to the ground, balling up. "I know it's not your mom; I was just at your house." He leaned over her. "Rory, you've gotta tell me what's wrong."  
  
Rory had stopped crying and was staring blankly, a stricken look on her face. "I wanna talk to Lane." She looked up at Dean. "I need to go to Lane's house."  
  
"OK, come on. Let's go to Lane's." He took Rory's arm and pulled her up to a standing position. They walked toward the Kim's, Rory quiet and staring a few feet in front of her, hugging herself. As they got closer, Rory's tears returned, and she was close to sobbing again by the time Dean knocked on Lane's door. When Lane, by fortuitous happenstance, opened the door herself, Rory broke down, covering her mouth to contain her sobs.   
  
Lane wrapped her arms around her friend. She knew what was going on. "Oh, Rory. Do you want us to kill him for you?"  
  
Rory shook her head. "He's going to do that to himself." She pulled away slightly and rubbed her face.   
  
Lane grimaced. "I should have warned you about the cigarettes."   
  
"That's just the least of it." Rory sniffled and rubbed her neck. "Oh Lane. He hates me." Her voice broke in a sob. "He's not ever going to forgive me."  
  
Dean had listened to this exchange silently, his heart sinking. Jess. She was crying about Jess. And from the sound of it, something had happened between them before Rory left for Washington. He'd wondered why Rory was suddenly not hanging around Jess anymore, but had willingly deluded himself. His heartbreak turned to anger. What had Jess done to her tonight?   
  
Rory had buried her face in her hands yet again and Lane was trying to comfort her. Dean cleared his throat. "Um, I think I'm really not needed here." Rory didn't seem to hear him, but Lane looked at him and nodded, smiling a little, sadly. "Just let me know if I can do anything."   
  
She nodded again, and he slipped out the doorway, shutting the door behind him. He walked quickly toward the diner. 'Wonder where he is,' Dean thought, clenching his fists and imagining pounding the smaller man. "I wish I knew exactly what he did to make her cry like that," he muttered. "I've never seen her anywhere close to that upset. What an asshole. I knew she should have stayed away from him."   
  
As Dean passed the lake, he heard a slurred, off-key voice, tunelessly singing, "I take one, one, one 'cause you left me and two, two, two for my family..."  
  
"You're drunk," Dean said, coming up behind Jess, who whirled ungracefully around to face him.  
  
"Score one for the bag boy! He took his smarty pills this morning." Jess's voice was badly slurred, and his gestures awkward. He stepped around Dean to steady himself against a tree. "Yes Dean, I am drunk. And enjoying it very much, thank you very much. And, please don't take this the wrong way, but you are the last person on this fucking earth that I want to talk to. So if you don't mind..." Jess voice trailed off as he gestured toward town.   
  
"I want to know what you said to Rory."   
  
Jess's face turned hard. "So go ask Rory."  
  
"I tried. She was crying too hard to talk to me."  
  
Jess's face momentarily betrayed his feelings, but he schooled his features. "Good." He turned and started to walk away, swaying.   
  
"I ought to kick your ass for saying that." Dean grabbed Jess's arm, catching him when he nearly fell over. "But I want to know what's going on with you and Rory."  
  
"I'm not telling you anything, Bag Boy." Jess pulled his arm away, the adrenaline from his anger momentarily stabilizing him. "What happened between me and Rory is between me and Rory. If she wants you to know she'll tell you. Now leave me alone."   
  
"No." Dean grabbed his arm again, stepping in front of him. "You're going to pay for being a shit to Rory. She's crying because of you, and I want you to tell me what the fuck you did to her."  
  
"She's not crying 'cause of me."  
  
"Bullshit. She said you hated her. Nobody hates Rory. What did you do?"  
  
Jess gave into his kness, which were unwilling to support him, and sat down hard on the ground in front of Dean. "She thinks I hate her?" He looked up at Dean, his face confused.   
  
"Yes." Dean crossed his arms and scowled. "Stand up."   
  
"Don wanna." Jess held his head in his hands. "I don hate her." He looked up at Dean, his eyes wide. "Tell her I don hate her."   
  
"You really are drunk if you're asking me to talk to Rory for you." Dean pulled Jess to his feet. "Come on. I'm taking you back to the diner. I'll beat the shit out of you when you're sober."   
  
Jess nodded. "That'd be better. I'd puke all over you f'you hit me now."  
  
"I'm afraid you're going to puke all over me anyway."  
  
"Hey, that's not a bad idea!" Jess leaned back, almost tipping over, and Dean righted him.   
  
"Except then I'd have no reason not to punch you." Jess nodded again, then stopped.   
  
"I feel green."   
  
"You look green. Com'on, we're almost there."  
  
Jess kept his feet planted. "NO. Luke's there."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
He pushed Dean's hands away. "Don wanna explain being drunk to Luke. Don wanna talk to Luke about Rory."   
  
Jess sat down on the curb and Dean watched him. "Are you telling me that you were drinking because of Rory?"  
  
Jess nodded. "'Cause she didn't talk to me before she went off to Washington and when she got back it was like she wanted to pretend it never happened." Jess lay down on the grass between the sidewalk and the curb. Dean just watched him, confused.   
  
"Jesus, you're a maudlin drunk, Mariano."  
  
Jess's eyes opened and he looked up at Dean quizzically. "You said maudlin."   
  
Dean rolled his eyes. "I occasionally use words that I didn't learn off the WB."   
  
"You probably learned it from Rory." Jess rolled onto his back.   
  
"Unh-uh." Dean reached down and turned him back onto his side. "Not your back. You'll choke if you puke."  
  
Jess felt incredibly queasy. "Why do you care?" He shook his head and sat up, fighting the nausea. "Didn't I tell you to leave me alone? Why are you still here?" Jess put his head down between his knees. "Go away."   
  
"I'm going to get Luke."   
  
"Fine, you do that."  
  
Jess didn't move as Dean walked across the street and began pounding on the door of the diner. 


	3. Confessions

Kiss Off   
Chapter 3 Confessions  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
People worry  
What are they worryin' about today?  
Seems like there's a good reason  
to worry worry worry  
Seem like there's a damn good reason  
to worry worry worry  
I'd sit around, I'd listen to your story  
if I wasn't in such a  
hurry hurry hurry   
  
And I'm so lonely  
I don't think I can take it anymore  
and I'm so lonely  
I just don't know what to do  
I'm so lonely  
feel like I'm gonna crawl away and die  
I'm so lonely  
feel like I'm gonna hack it apart  
I'm so lonely  
feel like I'm gonna crawl away and die  
I'm so lonely  
feel like I'm gonna hack it apart  
gonna hack hack hack hack it apart [4 times]   
  
Seem like there's a good reason to be  
lonely lonely lonely  
I gotta get something to somebody, something to somebody  
make me feel less, less, less  
lonely lonely lonely  
I know I could do it, I know I could do it  
if, if, if I just wasn't so  
lonely lonely lonely   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Luke heard the pounding downstairs and scowled. Why was someone bothering him at this time of night? He wandered down the stairs and into the diner and saw Dean through the glass. Dean? What the...?  
  
Luke snatched open the door. "Is Rory okay?"  
  
Dean nodded. "I think so. She's with Lane. I'm here because of him." Dean turned and pointed to Jess. "He's drunk."  
  
Luke rubbed his forehead and sighed, heading across the street. "I so don't need this," he muttered.   
  
Jess looked up dazedly as Luke approached. "Well then, just go back in the diner and leave me alone. I'm happy sitting right here."   
  
"What are you thinking? Where did you get enough liquor to get this drunk? I so do not need this, Jess." He paused for a minute. "Are you getting up and coming inside or do I have to throw you over my shoulder?"  
  
Jess's legs were wobbly as he stood. "I do not recommend your turning me upside down." He leaned in conspiratorially. "I have been drinking very cheap tequila. I would throw up all over your back." Luke sighed and led him toward the diner, stopping to thank Dean.   
  
Jess stumbled into the diner and sat down against the wall, holding his head and groaning, as Luke went about making coffee.   
  
"Here." Luke handed him a glass of water and three aspirin. "You're going to have one hell of a hangover."  
  
Jess nodded and swallowed the aspirin.  
  
"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Luke sat on a chair across from Jess, who shook his head.   
  
"No."   
  
"Well, too bad." Luke shook his head. "Is this the kind of shit you were pulling that got you sent here?"   
  
Jess snorted bitterly, rubbing his forehead.   
  
"Ok, let's examine the situation here. 1) I'm bigger than you. 2) I feed and house you. 3) I'm financially well-off enough that I could ship you off to some schmancy reform school and that's exactly what I'll do if you don't shape up."   
  
Jess looked up at him skeptically. "You'd spend your money to straighten me out?"   
  
"I know it sounds crazy, but yes. You're smart, and you're basically a good kid. This shit only started when school ended. So setting aside questions of where you GOT the cheap tequila that you're plastered on, why the hell are you completely plastered, Jess?"   
  
Jess continued rubbing his forehead, but his brain was too foggy to think of a good lie. He sighed and decided to be honest. "Rory."   
  
Luke looked genuinely surprised. "Rory?"   
  
"She kissed me." Even saying it aloud hurt.   
  
Luke looked shocked. "When?"  
  
"At that wedding."   
  
"Wow." Luke rubbed behind his neck. "Does Lorelei know?"  
  
"I don't think so." Jess leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Luke walked over to the counter and poured him a cup of coffee.   
  
Jess drank and made a face. "Bitter." He gulped again, then set the mug down.  
  
"OK, so why does this make you drink?"   
  
"Because it didn't mean a damn thing to her!" Jess almost shouted, then grabbed his head. "Ow."  
  
Luke sighed. "Welcome to my world." Jess smiled wanly, then leaned against the wall again, closing his eyes.  
  
"I thought after she came to New York to see me..."  
  
That really surprised Luke. "She did what?"  
  
Jess opened his eyes. "Lorelei didn't tell you?"   
  
Luke shook his head. "We haven't exactly been confidants lately."  
  
"She missed Lorelei's graduation. She came and found me in the Village. Cut school, rode the bus, showed up in her uniform."   
  
Luke shook his head in amazement. "Jess, that's not something Rory would do if you didn't mean anything to her. It's not her style to lead you on."  
  
"I know." Jess drank again from his mug. "That's why I fell for it." Luke could hear the anger and hurt creeping into his nephew's voice as he overcame the effects of the alcohol.  
  
"So why do you think she didn't mean it?"  
  
"She had three weeks before she left for Washington to tell me. She just ignored me. And as of this morning she's still all kissy-face with bag boy." He clenched his fists against the tears that were threatening. The alcohol had completely broken his facade. "I want to hide. This is worse than it ever was in New York. I was never this confused." His voice was small, and Luke felt sympathy pour through him. He was tough, but he was just a kid, after all.   
  
"Finish your coffee. You need to get some sleep."  
  
Jess looked up at his uncle. "I'm sorry, Luke. I won't do this again."   
  
Luke nodded. "You feel like shit."  
  
"I feel like shit."  
  
"Where'd you get it?"   
  
"Shane."  
  
Luke nodded again. "You gonna take a break from her?"  
  
Jess made a wry face. "I guess so. It was just to forget, you know?"  
  
Luke nodded yet again. "Yeah. I know." Man, did he ever know.   
  
Jess finished the coffee and staggered toward the stairs, holding his head. "Drink another glass of water before you go to bed," Luke called after him.   
  
Luke was walking toward the coffee pot to clean up when he spotted Rory and Dean walking past in the direction of her house. He saw Rory notice the light in the diner and touch Dean's arm, stopping and walking around him toward the door. He poured her a mug of the coffee and went to let her in. 


	4. How Soon is Now?

Kiss Off  
Chapter 4 How Soon is Now?  
  
THANK YOU to everyone who has sent comments and made reviews of this and my other stories! You guys are so terrific. I wish I could respond to everyone personally and say thanks! But I appreciate every comment so much--keep 'em coming! ;)  
  
An answer to the question of where I got the quote in the first chapter, "Exterminate all rational thought--that is the conclusion I have come to": It's from William Burroughs' Naked Lunch.   
  
Gordo and the Femmes, I do love you, but I'm switching for this one's song to The Smiths. Not that Jess reminds me of Morrissey, but the last couple of stanzas, especially if you take shut as past tense, well, it seemed like something he might say. :)  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I am the son   
And the heir   
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar   
I am the son and heir   
Of nothing in particular  
  
You shut your mouth   
How can you say   
I go about things the wrong way?   
I am Human and I need to be loved   
Just like everybody else does   
  
I am the son   
And the heir   
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar   
I am the son and heir   
Oh, of nothing in particular   
  
You shut your mouth   
How can you say   
I go about things the wrong way?  
I am Human and I need to be loved   
Just like everybody else does   
  
There's a club, if you'd like to go   
You could meet somebody who really loves you   
So you go, and you stand on your own   
And you leave on your own   
And you go home, and you cry   
And you want to die   
  
When you say it's gonna happen "now"   
Well, when exactly do you mean?   
See I've already waited too long   
And all my hope is gone   
  
You shut your mouth   
How can you say   
I go about things the wrong way?  
I am Human and I need to be loved   
Just like everybody else does   
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Luke watched as Rory gave Dean a quick hug and gestured, clearly telling him it was okay to leave her at Luke's. Dean's face looked strange and Luke wondered if they'd talked about what was happening between Rory and Jess. She came into the diner and accepted the coffee mug that Luke handed her.   
  
"I shouldn't be giving you coffee this late."   
  
Rory smiled over the mug. "Thanks."  
  
"Are you okay?" Luke sounded uncomfortable, but she knew the question was sincere.   
  
"I don't know. I really hurt Jess." Rory looked down into her mug and Luke could see her face crumple. "I didn't mean to. I wouldn't hurt him for anything but he just confuses me so badly." She was crying openly now, and Luke wasn't sure what to do. He moved and sat on the barstool next to her.   
  
Rory buried her head in her hands on the countertop and Luke set a hand on her shoulder, awkwardly comforting her.   
  
"He hates me, Luke. He won't ever forgive me." She raised her head and looked at him. "He told me to leave him alone."  
  
Luke could see the hurt accompanying the tears in her eyes. "He doesn't hate you, Rory."   
  
Rory raised her tear-stained eyes to Luke's. "Then why did he tell me to go away?"  
  
Luke sighed, unsure about how involved in this he should get. "I think you confuse him too." He sat on the stool next to her. "I'm lousy at giving advice, but maybe you should sort out your confusion and then try to talk to him again."   
  
Rory nodded, then looked past Luke when a noise from the back of the diner got her attention. Jess leaned against the doorjamb, his hair damp and his eyes pained.   
  
"Can I talk to her, Luke?" He read Luke's skeptical expression easily and smiled self-deprecatingly. "I'm sober enough. I'm not going to upset her anymore." He stuck his hands in his pockets and fixed Rory with an intense look that she couldn't read.   
  
"It's okay, Luke." She smiled at him and nodded. "Really." Luke nodded back and left the diner, grasping Jess by the shoulder as he walked past. The gesture of support surprised Rory. She hadn't known they were on such good terms, and it was weird that Luke didn't seem mad about Jess's drinking.   
  
But she was quickly distracted as Jess walked toward her and sat on the stool next to hers. Suddenly she couldn't look at him; she crossed her arms in front of her and stared at the counter. Jess could see her lips slightly trembling and knew she was fighting tears. "Rory..."  
  
She turned her head away from him slightly, biting her lip, and her hair fell forward, hiding her face from him. Her chest rose and fell sharply as she inhaled short breaths to keep back the tears, and Jess's heart cracked. "Rory..." He slid off the stool and moved closer to her, bending toward the counter so he could see her face while reaching out to pull back the curtain of hair.   
  
At the gentle touch, Rory couldn't control her tears any longer. A sob burst from her throat, and she threw her arms around Jess's shoulders, buring her head against his neck. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you." With her mouth pressed against his shirt, Jess could barely hear the words, but he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her sob against his chest. "I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't mean it. Please don't be mad at me." Her body shook as she cried and Jess held her tighter, slipping an arm beneath her knees to lift her, cradling her in his arms.   
  
"Shhh. It's okay." He murmured in her ear as he crossed the diner, turning off the lights and moving them to a corner booth. He pushed on the table to give them a little more room, then stretched out along the bench, leaning against the window and resting Rory's head between his shoulder and the back of the booth. She stayed curled against him, clutching him tightly. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you." Jess closed his eyes and dragged his lips against the top of her head, sliding the fingers of one hand against her hair while the other wrapped her waist and held her steady. "You said I hated you. I could never hate you." She had stopped shaking, but he could still feel the tiny sobs as she continued to cry softly. "Oh God Rory, please don't cry." He tilted her head back, stroking her hair away from her face and pressing his lips against her drenched eyelids. "Don't cry." He murmured, placing soft kisses across her damp cheeks. "I can't stand that you're crying because of me."   
  
Rory dropped her head back, the feel of his mouth against her face stemming her tears and focusing her attention on how close she was to him. The edge of his jaw was against her lips as his mouth caressed her cheek, and she moved slightly, increasing the pressure of her mouth against his skin.   
  
Jess shuddered as he felt her mouth tentatively caress his cheek. His eyes closed, and his grip on her tightened. "Rory." His voice pleaded. "What are you doing to me?" He pulled back, opening his eyes and startling her with how pained they were. "Don't make me think you want me and then run away." He shook his head, clearly unsure what to say. "I can't..." Jess leaned his head back against the window.  
  
Rory's voice was hesitant and soft. "I'm not running away."   
  
Jess raised his head to watch her as she shifted on his lap. She pulled back and he crooked a leg off the edge of the bench to give her more room. He pulled the other leg up, resting his elbow on his knee as Rory tucked her leg under her and sat in front of him.   
  
"Jess, I'm sorry I just shut up and didn't talk to you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I was feeling. I didn't know what I was feeling." She looked down at her hands, tangling her fingers together. "Kissing you confused me. It felt..." He could see her struggle with the words. "It's different, the way you make me feel..." Her eyes darted, avoiding locking with his. "It scared me. My mom..." She finally met his eyes. "Oh Jess. I just suddenly knew I would never want to say no to you."   
  
Jess squinted, wrestling with the spark of hope that her words were firing. He stared at her, blinking deliberately. She couldn't mean...no, she couldn't. He couldn't have misunderstood so badly...  
  
Rory dropped her eyes when he didn't respond. She crossed her arms, grasping her elbows in her hands, and exhaled, turning on the bench so she was facing away from him. "I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean to fall in love with you. I'm sorry I caused all these problems between us. I know you have a girlfriend now, and I'll just go and leave you alone..."  
  
As she moved to stand up, Jess suddenly came out of his stupor and grabbed her, pulling her toward him and against his chest, tangling his legs with hers.   
  
"Don't ever leave me again," he whispered before covering her mouth with his.   
  
  
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Dean stood up from the curb where he'd been sitting, watching them. He fought the knot in his throat and headed down the street toward home. 


End file.
